Happy Halloween!

Hey everyone,

I hope you all had an enjoyable Halloween!  It's always fun seeing the kiddos dressed up and let's face it, sometimes it's fun to dress up as an adult, too.  The only think I'm sad about this Halloween is that I didn't hear "The Monster Mash" on the radio.  I mean, come on!  It's a classic!

Not much else has transpired this week.  I dressed up at Rose Tyler for our work Halloween Party and I had a fantastic time doing so, even though only 2 people knew who I was without me having to first tell them, and then explaining who Rose was.  lol  Perfectly okay- I know not everyone watches Doctor Who.  :)

This is a photo from one of the trial runs.  I know I don't look anything like Billie Piper, who played Rose, but I did want to attempt to get as close to the look regarding makeup/hair as I could.  I've got bangs and those don't just grow out in a few weeks, no matter how much I would have liked them too, so...not much I can do about that.  We don't really have similar facial features, her eyes are brown, mine are blue, face shape, not to mention the fact that she's a slim gal and I'm...well, I'm not.  That being said, here's my attempt:

I did a much better job with the hair on the actual day- I actually got it kind of like pieced yet slightly curled like she had on the show.  I was pretty happy about that. 

Anyway...


I've been doing some writing on my story lately- sometimes the words come easily and sometimes I struggle to write a few sentences.  Literally.  One night I sat here and edited and re-read what I had and I advanced the story by a whole three sentences just because I didn't know how/where I wanted the story to go.  I have roughly 110 pages down right now, and for me, that's a big high five and slap on the back.  With the whole ADD thing, it's pretty hard for me to be able to focus on something like this for as long as I have, and as I mentioned before, I'm not exactly a prolific writer.  I've been working on this story for months now, and it'll likely be another couple months before it's finished. 

I have a general idea of where I want things to end up, and specific points I'd like to hit along the way, but the rest is just...making it up as I go along.  I'm not sure if that's how actual writers do it, or not, but hey.  I'm doing this for fun, not for anything else.  If it's wrong, too bad.  :P 

Do you ever wonder how you view the world in comparison to how others view it?  I'm always curious about what other people think...about how they process information, and about how they come to form their opinions and draw their own conclusions. 

I'm just nosy, maybe.  Who knows?  :) 

Honesty

I've been thinking...

That can be bad- or it can be good.  But I want to get this down in writing, because people misunderstand or they misinterpret...

I am critical.  I know my flaws.  (Well, most of them, anyway.) 

So when I post a photo, I already see everything awful about it.  I see the mole on my face, the way my nose looks big, my eyelids are starting to sag, the wrinkles in the corners of my eyes.  I see not just the double chin, but the beginnings of sagging skin.  I see the fine, unruly hair, the red dot above my left eye, the white dot under my left eye.  I see everything because I am me.  I am critical and I am me.  And, because I don't think you're stupid, I assume you see those things too.

So, here's the deal.  It's hard, when you look at yourself the way I do, to post a photo.  I was never super attractive to begin with.  I know that.  I'm not stupid and I'm not blind, and no, thanks very much, I'm not just being hard on myself.  I'm looking at myself the same way I'd look at anyone else.  I know what beauty looks like, and it ain't me. 

This isn't a rant to tell you all how ugly I am.  It's me trying really really hard to explain why I say the things I do.

It's because people are mean.  People are assholes.  I'm one of those people.  I'm judgemental.  I know when someone's not looking great.  I'm not going to say anything, but I can see.  So, if I jump the gun and call myself out on looking utterly pathetic, that's a +1 for me, right? 

That's how I see it, anyway.  At least I've got the sense and the logic to just go right out there and say, "Look, I know I'm not the best looking person on earth, but hey.  This is what you're getting.  Deal with it." 

So...that's why I am the way I am.  Sorry.  But not really. 


This post sounds bitter.  lol  I'm not really bitter.  I just can't explain things easily to people.  They don't understand.  I'm trying to help.  I don't know if it helped or not, but it made me feel a little better. 

Moral of the story- it's best to not try and compliment me.  Okay? 

Great! 

Let's move on!

Why popsicles make me think of the Rolling Stones...

Hey there,

It's been awhile, I know.  I wish I could say that there was a great reason, but honestly it's just because I'm having a hard time coming up with something to say to you all. 

My life is pretty routine, and therefore, tends to be rather boring.  The most exciting thing that's happened this week is that I found like 8 solid paragraphs I completely forgot I'd written tucked away in my email that fits in nicely with Chapter 6 of the story I'm working on. 

I had to have written it awhile ago as I'm working on Chapter 14 right now, but hey.  I'll take a few bonus lines that cement the story together a little better. 

It's so roasting hot in the house right now- I'm sorta desperate to go upstairs in the bedroom and write this, but it's hard to balance the keyboard and write effectively, so I think I'm staying put for the time being.

You know what's been troubling me lately?  I feel like I don't have the time I need to get stuff done.  And it's not true.  I have plenty of time when I get home to cook supper and clean up, then sit down, write a bit, fiddle on the internet, and watch a little TV, if I'm in the mood.  Here's the deal- I hate feeling rushed.  When I'm on my own time, I like to have plenty of time to do things my way- which is probably pretty slow.  It just makes me feel like I'm doing a thorough and proper job. 

It's a different story all together, though, if the ADD is pulling me around.  Then I can't help it and I jump around from one thing to the next, usually without ever accomplishing anything.  lol  For one reason or another, that doesn't make me feel frustrated- how can I get mad if I completely forget the first thing I was doing and rush on to the second? 

At any rate, trying to reel this back in, when I get home lately, I feel so rushed and it's causing me to stop and not do anything.  I hate it and it needs to stop.  If anyone has any tips on how to deal with balking due to made up scenarios in my own mind, do let me know.  lol 

Did you ever wonder how many bugs you've killed with your car in your life?  I'm betting it's a lot.  Scrubbing their remains off the bumper remains one of my least favorite tasks.  It's like as revenge for killing them, their bodies morph into some sort of pseudo titanium composite and firmly adhere themselves onto your vehicle.  I guess you could say my Impala is a rolling cemetery. 

It's getting to be that time of year when the katydids are out at night.  It's pretty much the best noise in the whole world.  I grew up in the country, so it's a very familiar and peaceful/comforting sound for me.  You don't hear them much in town.  Not that Nescopeck is much of a town, but it's enough to thwart the katydid invasion.  If you grew up in town, or otherwise aren't sure what sounds katydids make, take a listen here. 

I use a laptop for most of my computing stuff here at the house, but once in awhile, if I need to print something, I'll use the desktop in the 2nd bedroom.  After using this for so long, along with my compact mouse, I feel like my hand is driving a Lincoln when I use the full size mouse upstairs.  It's huge!! 

Our tomatoes out back are huge and have officially taken over the entire area.  I'll have to take a picture and show you.  They're loaded with fruit (yay!!) and so far, no blossom end rot, so things are lookin' pretty good in my prosperous little dirt patch. 

If you've never met me, and are just reading this because you stumbled through...I'd like for you to know that I'm much more entertaining in person.  lol 

Till next time,

Mandy

Oh- and the reason I think of the Rolling Stones every time I have a popsicle is because of my favorite flavor- cherry red, which naturally gets me singing "You Can't Always Get What You Want" because the soda Mick gets at the Chelsea drugstore is cherry red, too.  Honestly, when I was a kid, I just called them red, but after I learned the lyrics to that song, every cherry popsicle *had* to be cherry red...because it's much more fun to say.  :)

July 15

I can't say that I have anything particularly interesting to talk about tonight, but it's July 15, and I have one measly blog post for the month up so far.  I decided I'd best write something down, lest I grow lazy and don't update at all.

Scott bought me a new phone.  Mine wasn't holding a charge quite as long anymore and it was desperately outdated so he went online and found me a nice replacement.  It's a real phone- just like real people have.  It's very nice, but I'm still not using it all that much.  I don't know if you guys are all just used to texting with a digital keyboard, or what, but it seems like in order to type with any kind of accuracy, I'm going to need to have surgical finger reductions.  Seriously, I think a toddler might be able to comfortably and easily type, but me and my giant sausage fingers aren't very accurate.

There's a watermelon on my stove.  It's been here for two days and I haven't cut it up yet.  I should probably get on that.  On the other hand, not cutting up the watermelon is easier.  ;)   lol  Am I freakin' bum or what?  Wait- don't answer that, okay?  I'd really rather not know.

This week I've been wanting to write a lot, but when I sit down, not much comes out.  I'm lucky if I'm writing a paragraph or two per night.  At this rate, this story I'm doing is going to be finished by the time I'm 67 years old.  It's frustrating when you're trying so hard to expound and the words just don't come.  Things will work out- they always do.  It's just hard when I'm all gung-ho but can't get anything to come out.

It seems like the older I get, the more stupid I feel.  Words that used to be a regular part of my vocabulary have gone on vacation and don't seem like they'll be back anytime soon.  I'll read other things to try and awaken those sleepy parts of my brain, but it rarely helps.  I don't like feeling dull, but that's the norm at the moment.  Any suggestions on giving my brain a boost?  I hate feeling stupid. 

In other news, my car apparently has a huge target on it, because it is covered in bird crap.  I haven't hit any birds recently, or offended them in some other manner, so it's either coincidence (probably not), or the birds, like people, are asses and want to pick on the fat girl.  lol 

I think I understand now why some women consider plastic surgery.  I used to think that they were just vain and couldn't stand looking "just so".  I talked with a friend about it tonight and I'm seeing some changes in my face- my skin is looking a bit different, my eyes have some lines around them...and it's a little bit scary.

I don't think these women are going through lots of procedures because they're being vain and finicky.  I think they're a little bit afraid of looking in the mirror and not seeing the person they used to see.  Whether you buy into it or not, our society really does place a lot of women's worth on the way they look.  Naturally it's a little scary when you see things going downhill. 

Men seem to get more rugged and better looking as they age, but (and this is only my opinion, of course) it seems like women are much more disposable.  That's hard to deal with- even if you're like me and you've never really been attractive to begin with.  I'm not necessarily saying that I buy into this, but each one of us is insecure.  We all want to be accepted and loved for who we are.  Who am I to judge someone who wants a little nip or tuck to feel happier about themselves?

I think that's where I'll end for tonight.  I hope you're all doing well and enjoying your summer.  I'll try to come up with something fun and exciting to blog about next time.  We're going to Knoebel's this weekend with my parents, so perhaps I'll share a few photos and post about our time together.

Stay well, my friends.

Until next time,

Mandy 

Organic Foods

I think most people look at a label, see "organic" and think something along the lines of:
"Hey, no chemicals!  This is better for me and better for the environment!"

I grew up in the boonies.  We had a garden.  We used Sevin on our plants...because, if you didn't, you didn't end up with much...and then what you did have was riddled with either bugs or bug larvae.  Not appetizing.

So, go ahead and enjoy your organic stuff.  You see the organic sticker and see "better for me and the environment, I see the same sticker and think, "riddled with bugs and larvae".

I'll stick with the pesticides, thanks.

Speaking along the lines of produce, Scott and I took a walk at the Riverlands and over at Briar Creek Lake and came home with about 2 1/2 cups of black raspberries.  I cooked them into a delicious quick bread tonight.  If the summer progresses the way it has, there are going to be a nice crop of blackberries come mid-August...not to mention some pretty nice looking macs hanging from the tree by the road.

I can hear you now.  "You go to public parks and pick berries and pick up apples off the ground???"

Yes, I do.  No one else is picking them.  It's a public park.  It's free fruit.  Yep, I'm taking it.

In truth, most of the apples aren't worth taking.  They're small and usually pretty wormy. (Read: organic) I have made applesauce before with them, but by the time you're done cutting out all the wormy bits, there's precious little apple left.  My favorite apples to make applesauce with are Cortlands and Macs.  You can't beat them!

Although, sometimes you'll get stuck with some Macs that don't want to cook down...but still, the flavor is the best.

I know it's the beginning of July, but I'm already kinda looking forward to fall.

So, on Friday, Scott and I took a trip down to Kutztown to the folk festival.  I was going down to meet two ladies I know from a Dr. Who group on Facebook.  We had such a fantastic time!  I was so very glad to go and meet them and I do hope we'll be able to get together again sometime.  We had a merry time chatting and giggling, and just being girls.  And because Scott is the best, he didn't complain and bit.  Heee's a good boy!  :D

Up until this weekend, I'd been making pretty good progress on my story, then, all of a sudden, I've got nothing.  Thirteen chapters in and I'm sorta stuck.  I can't say that I'm worried about it, though.  It'll come back.  My desire to write hasn't gone away, just some good ideas on how I want to continue on.  I just need to be patient...which I'm not all that good at.

Well, this isn't the longest post, but it's about 10:30 and I'm tired! 

I hope you're all doing well and that you enjoyed a lovely Independence Day!

Till next time,

Mandy 

Misinterpretation

You know when you're little sometimes things don't always mean what you think they do?

Let me share a story with you.

When I was a kid, I loved riding in the back of the car.  Didn't really matter which one...we had the Monza when I was really little.

Then, when I was a little older, we had the Celebrity Wagon...

And right around that time, too, we also inherited my grandpa's old van...

(Check out that sweet, sweet ride...and my mom's awesomely 80's perm...)






 But, no matter which vehicle we were in, I always looked forward to a trip into Greenville.

Because, you see, even though the destination and the act of leaving the house in itself was a treat...I was looking forward to something else.  Something, I hoped, time and again, that we might see for ourselves.

Like a train passing in the night, I had no idea when this mystical site would meet my eyes, but I knew, I *knew* if I had enough patience, then one day...one day I would see the cable cars.

I knew they were there.  There were warning signs on 18, letting me know that there was the chance they'd snap off the line and come crashing down onto the pavement.

Look out below, little cars!  Falling cable car hazard!

I wondered where people boarded- I wondered where the cable cars took them.  I figured it was into town- where else would one want to go, after all!

Secretly, a little part of me wanted to ride in them- I knew we lived in a rural area.  I figured the cable cars going to Greenville couldn't hold more than ten.  Certainly nothing like the majestic things I'd glimpsed at briefly on TV.

This would be no tourist-trap! Oh no. This was a practical, reliable (if somewhat mysterious) way to get about in Pennsylvania.  No mountain peaks for us to view, thankyouverymuch!  It was business as usual- just picking up typical sundries; eggs, milk, and the like.




And so, I waited.  I waited and I watched.  I watched for years, never seeing, never really comprehending.  When I was about 8, I started wondering if the falling cable car signs were disastrously out of date and I'd missed the whole thing by only a few years.

Disappointment met my eyes each and every time I'd see that sign on the curve of PA 18.

I wondered how many souls had been lost in the cable car accidents...I wondered if had been reported on the news.  After all, there's no need to place a sign unless a tragedy had occurred before, right?  It all made sense in my mind...

So now, dear reader, I leave you with the sign.  I expect you've seen one a time or two in your life, as well.  Now you can see it through my eyes- as a curious child, peering out at the world around her from the back seat of a familiar vehicle.

Note the lone rider, calmly waiting his demise, cable car wires snapped and flapping in the breeze as he plummets to his untimely death.  He seems calm.  I hope the end wasn't unnecessarily painful or gory. 

So, the next time you're out driving, and you see this sign, slow down, take a deep breath, and say a prayer for the victims of the cable car tragedy.

And who knows?  One day, you may look up, and find yourself watching a sturdy group of hearty Americans on their way into town via one of the coolest ways to get to the store- via cable car. 

Till next time,

Mandy

The Casserole

This casserole made me cry tonight.

I didn't really feel like making it- been in a bit of a mood all day.  You know how it is.  Feeling empty and lost and such...

Sunday night we had tacos for dinner- that and a Knorr (or whoever's making it right now) packet of Spanish Rice.  But there was still a lot of taco meat left.  Maybe a cup or so.  Something like that.  And about the same amount of rice.

I knew I had refried beans, cheese, more rice, salsa, and olives at home.  Maybe not everything that I wanted, but still the makings of a decent leftover extravaganza.

So, I came home, boiled the rice, drained it (boil in bag, suckas!), added a jar of salsa, stirred in the leftovers, added some black beans and black olives, then layered it up in the casserole with refried beans and cheese.

Fast forward thirty minutes.  I take it out of the oven and scoop some into a small bowl.  I started eating it...and crying.

Because at that moment in time, that stupid casserole defined my life.  My job.  My *LIFE*.  I get one life.  It isn't very long, really.  And I'm just wasting it cooking pathetic casseroles.  Who needs a life when you could be in my kitchen trying to reuse leftovers??

Look.  I'm 36.  My body will fade and die...it is a fact.  One day I will no longer be breathing.  No one will remember me.  ...and this- THIS- is what I'm doing with the little time I have?  Pathetic.

So I cried.  Because sometimes I want to feel like I'm getting a little more out of my life than a casserole. 

I don't really know how to fix that.  I actually don't think it can be fixed.  It's not that there's really anything wrong with my life, it's more along the lines of there being something wrong with my head at the moment.

So, I sighed.  And I rationalized.  And it didn't make it any better.

I suppose that will have to do for now.  Patting myself on the head and saying, "You'll feel differently some other day."

But...it's not what I want to hear right now.  Because right now, I just want something to matter or seem important -more important than fixed up leftovers. 

Maybe it's why I've been writing so much lately?  I don't know.  I suppose it doesn't really matter.

At any rate, I'm going to go blubber the night away.  At least the dishes are washed.  I put the loathsome casserole away so I don't have to look at it anymore.

It gave me heartburn. 

Things you see...

We went camping this weekend.  Overall, I'd say it was a positive experience. 

Here are some observations-

I could give up just about everything modern with the exception of air-conditioning.  When we sat up the tent it was 93 degrees and humid.  I thought I might die- not due to heart failure, but do to my utter misery and crankiness.  I am a girl who thrives in a dry, comfortable climate.  This tropical stuff is just bull.  Thank you, but no.    

I saw a 60+ year old man in a giant camper who had a 20 foot antenna on some sort of a tri-pod.  I can only guess he was some sort of short-wave radio operator and couldn't bear to give up his hobby while camping.  I'd also like to add that he was rocking jeggings all weekend.  Yes, his knobby knees and everything else was all on display in some of the tightest jeggings I've ever seen.  It was quite a show. 

Just as we were packing down and I was all grouchy and hot again, I found a tick half burrowed into my leg, enjoying a nice refreshing glass of Mandy blood.  *Thankfully*, it was a tiny deer tick, so with any luck I'm now the proud recipient of Lyme Disease.
  /sarcasm

 Seriously, I don't think it was attached long enough, but it something fun to ponder over for a bit.  Lucky me! 


I was thinking of you all while I was hanging out in my tent.  The campground was full and I could hear bits and pieces of conversations from the adjoining sites, so I wrote some of them down to share: 

"You heard about Bruce and Kim, right?  How they were having sex in the shower?"
- "Gross.  They're like 50.  They don't need to be doing that at their age."
"Yeah, but they're a young 50.  You know?  Young love and all that."  *laughs* "Anyway, the asshole, he fell.  Right in the shower.  Broke two ribs in two places."  *laughs uproariously*
-"So he's okay now?"
*still laughing*  "Well, he's out of the hospital...*laughing harder* "can't even drive his truck!!" 


He didn't have much sympathy for Bruce...

And, the story of the camper backing into the site across from ours...  The wife is outside with their older daughter, trying to give directions on where she wants it in the site.

-"You're too far back!"
(Tires crunch on gravel as he pulls the camper forward)
-"No, now you're too close to Rachel.  Bring it my way!  No!  My way!"
(Tires again crunch on gravel)
-"Yeah, better to just pull it out and start over again."
(Truck pulls forward, begins backing up again)
-"No, you're still not doing it right."
--(Rachel) No, Dad, this looks pretty good.  You're good." 
-(interrupting) No, you're still too close to me!  Start over again!"
Exasperated man:  "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???!!!"
*pauses* - "Well, now that I look at it, I guess it's okay.

Twenty minutes later, as they're setting up the camper:
- "I still wish it was closer this way..." 
(Rachel) "OMG, mom, drop it!!"


Later that night a pop-up camper full of drunken school teachers were boasting to each other about the countries they'd traveled to.  One teacher was appalled that Germany didn't serve diabetic friendly meals (she also mentioned several times, "Not that I'm diabetic, but there was so much bread!  It was all bread!).  Another tried to outdo her by shouting about Lichtenstein.  Several times.  He just kept saying it in each sentence, as though we may have forgotten what country he was in.  That ended on a sour note when a husband/wife duo got into an argument about who was the most pathetic drunk.  lol

Yep.

So, once the neighbors all piped down and I got into the actual meat of the weekend, we had a nice time.  Friday night everyone was all rowdy, but apparently they had calmed down considerably after that as I didn't hear much from anyone on Saturday or Sunday.

I didn't see one red-spotted newt all weekend.  Considering we were camped 50 feet away from a creek and it rained off and on all weekend, I was really disappointed.  I mean, come on!  It was prime newt territory and prime newt weather, yet there were no newts.  Psshht.

Well, I could keep going, but I'm really tired and...yeah.  I'm just really tired now.  :)

Hope you had a lovely weekend!

Till next time,

Mandy  

Starlight

Well, hello again.  How's it going?  I haven't posted in a few days, and I'm sorry about that, but it was the weekend.  You know how it is.  Places to go and people to see and all that. 

When is the last time you went outside at night and just looked at the stars?  For me, it was Saturday- and it was spectacular.  I saw one shooting star and two satellites as I stared up into space while we sat in the boat.  We were at Hunter's Lake, which I feel, is pretty remote.  It's about 10 miles from World's End State Park and I think it's in Sullivan County, but I could be wrong about that. 

It's calm there.  Tranquil, quiet, and even when it's "busy" it's not so bad.  Funny thing is, I didn't want to go.  I thought it would be a waste of fuel and just extra travel time on the car.  I was all grouchy about it, but something funny happened.  We launched the boat and everything was so still.  We launched right around 8:30 and there were only two other boats on the lake in addition to 2 kayaks. 

The parking lot is stone and it's relatively small.  Here's a photo of the lake looking west.  It's about halfway down the lake- the dam is on the east side.  It's relatively long and is electric motor only, which is super duper nice. 

 

I will have to say that it was a little piece of heaven, floating in the boat and watching the stars come out one at a time.  Some are very twinkly, some bright.  I knew the names of none of them, sadly.  What I can tell you is that there, in that silence, stillness, darkness, and loveliness, that I realized what I'd been missing out on.  I must do that again, and soon.  Not just looking at stars, but sitting quietly and being still in the presence of nature.  

In other news, I wish I had a bowl of Count Chocula.  Because it's delicious.  

Do you remember what the Count looked like when we were kids?  

Ahh-ahh, remember me, kids?  

I'm a friendly cartoon vampire with a delicious chocolatey cereal!  Ahh-ahh! 

I saw good old Count Chocula in the grocery store a few days ago, and eegads is he icky looking..  Time has not been kind to this breakfast icon.

Um...see what I mean?  Yeowza. 

I'll leave you to chew on that for awhile.  ;) 

Till next time,

Mandy

 

Aware

There's no other explanation for it- I'm firmly convinced that the long, leggy weeds in our yard are aware.  They stand brave and tall, unfaltering until the mower comes within inches of them...then they duck.  They stay down for an hour or two, till the coast is clear, then they pop their stupid long stalks back up again. 

Proof: 

You see?  No other explanation.  They're aware.  Be afraid.

This is off topic, but does anyone else have a laptop that's seemingly possessed, making your screen bigger and small as you go along?  I learned a long time ago that Control and the minus sign makes it smaller again, but still.  It's annoying.  Also, when I'm using Word, it'll make the print huge and/or small depending on it's mood.  (I'm sure I must have a part of my hand or something on the mouse pad while I'm typing and that's doing it, but I prefer the possessed theory better.)

While I was outside, I took a picture of our spacious growing patch out back.  Let's jokingly refer to it as my garden.  

Check it out-

I know what you're thinking.  Well, I think I do.  

1. Your "garden" needs weeded.  

(Yes it does.  Don't judge me.  Back off, pal!)  

2. What are you going to do with all that extra space?

(Wait for the tomatoes to fill out and overtake the yard, slowly encroach on the grill, and finally grow up through the porch railing and invade that space, too.) 

3. This space is impressive. 

(I know.  Try not to be too jealous.)  

4. What is that rusty metal thing on the cement slab?

(It's a chain.  We used to live in Berwick and chained the grill to the porch since it was on the 1st floor and we didn't want the grill to walk off.  We moved here in 2009 and didn't know what to do with the chain..so it's decorating the back porch area.  The rusty hunk of metal really adds that certain something, right?)  

So, jumping around again, guess what?  I feel pretty accomplished tonight already.  I've packaged up the two trash bags full of clothes I don't want anymore and stuck them in my car.  I'm going to drop them off at a local church that has a drop off bin on my way into work tomorrow.  

I've stripped the bed, changed the sheets, put the summer quilt on, and folded up the heavier blankets we won't be needing anymore.  

I trekked down to the cellar to get rid of the recycling that's been hanging out on our counter top for a week!  Huzzah!  

Now I'm waiting for my clothes to finish up in the washer so I can dry them and then (ha-ha) put them away. (Ain't gonna happen tonight.  lol!)  

So, other than that, I need to cook supper.  We're having sloppy joes and bean soup.  Have you ever tried a sloppy joe with a piece of American cheese on it?  It's pretty much deliciousness multiplied.  You should really do it.  

Look at me, telling you all what to do.  Pssht.  Don't take food tips from me.  You're going to end up looking like me, and you don't want that!!  lol

I finished editing chapter 1 last night- it's finalized and ready to publish.  Huzzah!  I sorta feel like I'm kicking myself in the rear end by editing before I finish drafting out the rest of the story, but...editing is so much easier!  :P   I think I'm going to focus on writing a page or so of the next chapter as a draft tonight.  I'll feel better when I've got the whole thing written.  I'm kind of notorious for starting stuff and then just letting it hang.  Bad Mandy!  

Soo...the sun is shining, the birds are singing (they're getting on my nerves, actually...), there's a light breeze, and the windows are open.  It's a great day!  Yay!  

I hope your day was lovely, too!  

Till next time,

Mandy 

 

Geronimo!

I have this personality quirk...

Instead of trying to explain it, I'll give you an example or two.

In about 2004/2005, I started watching Bonanza.  I'm not even sure why, but I started watching it, and I liked it.  A lot.

Then I started taping it.  In order.  I had nice little markings on all my VCR tapes.  It'd go a little something like this:
"Name of the Episode", NC, Joe  (NC stood for no-commercials as I'd edited them out.  Joe was the character the episode was written around.) 
Then I found some Bonanza stuff online and ordered it on Ebay...which is why we have a framed map of the Ponderosa in the upstairs bedroom. 
Then I found out everything I possibly could about the actors. 
Off the top of my head, I can tell you that Pernell Roberts was born in Georgia in 1928, that Lorne Greene is from Canada and used to anchor the news, that Dan Blocker is from Texas and was the only actor on the show to have a college degree (and started the Bonanza/Ponderosa Restaurant chain), and that Michael Landon's real name is Eugene Orowitz and he found the name Michael Landon in a phone book.

I also joined a forum called Bonanza World, met a heap of other really nice fans from around the states who shared by affinity for Adam Cartwright, and I can likely still name many of the Bonanza episodes.  I also wrote some Fanfiction for that site- my first attempt at it.

Fast forward to the present day.  It's the same dealio with Doctor Who.  It's like I'm physically unable to just watch something and enjoy it.  I have to completely immerse myself in the entire culture that IS that show- read every book, fanfiction, find out what's canon and not canon, buy the figures, read the stories, analyze the episodes, write fanfiction...more, more, more!!  lol

I will say that my Dr. Who knowledge is truly limited to 2005 to the present.  I've tried watching the old ones and...yeah...they're just not the same.  Plus, netflix only has a limited selection of 3-4 episodes/season of the old ones, so it'd be pretty tough to get into anyway. 

I'm pretty much in love with Eccleston.  It's funny, because I don't necessarily like those episodes the best- some of them were kinda lame- but I like Chris' Doctor the best.  Can't quite put my finger on it, because I seriously love Tennant's and Matt's Doctor's, too.  I haven't had a chance to see Capaldi yet, but I'm guessing I'll love him, too.  lol  

Everyone's gotta have a hobby, I guess.  I just pick mine one at a time. 

Do I still love Bonanza?  Yes.  Not in the same way, but yes, I still like it.  I miss the Bonanza World site...it was fun to have a place to go where others sort of understood your obsession...understood it and embraced it.  lol  It is no more, so sadly, I cannot go back to visit.

So that's my quirk.  I'm not good at being a passive fan, I suppose.  I feel like I probably should have grown out of this by now.  I'm 36 (how is that possible?) years old, after all. 

Do you ever have a hard time trying to cry?  I've truly needed to for like a week and I just can't.  I'll maybe get like one dry sob out before my brain kicks in and is like, "this is stupid, give it up, it isn't going to happen."  It's kind of a crummy feeling.  Like...when you know your back needs cracked, but it just won't crack.  That kind of a thing.  Odd, really, as I'm not particularly sad about anything.  It just needs to happen.  :P 

I made stromboli tonight for supper and man was it delicious!  I used ham, hard salami, pepperoni, hot banana peppers, and cheese.  Noms!  It came out golden and delicious.  It was maybe 60 degrees outside when I came home so turning on the oven wasn't an issue, but boy is it tough to come up with things to make when it's 80 degrees in the house and you'd just as soon shoot yourself than turn on the oven.  I mean, realistically, you can only eat tacos so often. 

Well, my head hurts and I desperately need to work on some editing, so this is going to be it for tonight.  I hope you had a lovely day.  :)

Till next time,

Mandy 

Paycheck Friday!

Woohoo, that's right!  It's payday!

For some people, that means all kinds of fun things.  For most of us, it means it's time to get out the dang checkbook again, pay bills, watch as your money magically disappears, and then try to find some kind of satisfaction in knowing you've been a responsible adult.  As if there's any fun in that.  Pssht.  

When it gets hot, do you know what I want to eat?  A salad plate.  A scoop of tuna salad, a scoop of cottage cheese, and a scoop of potato salad all on a lovely bed of fun lettuce with lots of sliced up cucumber, cherry tomatoes, and maybe a couple black olives. 

Is it healthy?  Erm...not so much.  Too much mayo, unfortunately.  It doesn't keep me from wanting one, though. 

So, what's new in blog land tonight? 

I hung out with my friend Kristin tonight!  Yay!  She's slowly introducing herself to Dr. Who. 

If you know much about me, you know I'm a bit obsessed with it right now.  And while I'm so glad she's starting to watch it, I also feel kind of bad for her.  I've never had a show that continually rips out my soul, stamps on it a few times, and hands it back to me all damaged.  It doesn't just do it once.  Nope. Again and again and again- and like a fool, I keep coming back for more.  I've never enjoyed being emotionally damaged more!  

Honestly.  At least the Daleks kill you right off.  lol

Do you watch the show?  If you do, who's your Doctor?

I love them all, honestly.  I still think that nine's going to always be *my* Doctor, just because he's the one I got to know first.  And, don't get me wrong.  I love David Tennant and Matt Smith, too.  I do.  I haven't seen Capaldi, but likely once I've seen him, I'll love him, too.  lol  Eccleston will always be mine, though.  


Hey, do you know what feels great? 

Sitting in an 85 degree room in jeans with a baking hot laptop on your legs!  Trust me, you're going to want to do this.  For a long, long time.  At least an hour or so. 

My hubby's birthday is this weekend.  He wants a chocolate cake with strawberry frosting.  As Pedro might say, "All of his wildest dreams are going to come true."  Regarding the cake, anyway.  I'm feeling confident I can come through with the cake. 

I got him a couple things off Etsy and Amazon for his birthday.  Naturally the one I liked best didn't get here yet. 

What do you typically do on the weekends?  Our weekends typically end up with us putting an exorbitant amount of miles on my car and really doing nothing.  It's pretty sad.  We've driven around the state so much, there's like nothing left that's new or different to do.  lol

We'll sit around and try to think of something to do that we haven't done within driving range and it's slim pickin's.  There's lots of stuff down around Philly we haven't done, but neither of us are all that fond of cities or crowds, so, you know.  There's a reason why we don't travel down that way much.

The crickets are chirping rapidly.  While some might find this comforting, I know it means that it's hot out. Crickets chirp fast when it's warm and slow when it's cold.  (Thanks to the laptop, my legs are very nearly medium-rare.) 

Speaking of legs, can I rant a little on the ridiculousness of shaving your legs in the summertime?  I need to invest in one of those no-no things or something.  I can't stand having scratchy legs at the end of the day.  It's awful. 

Once in awhile a soft puff of cool air is blowing in through the screen in the porch door.  When it happens, it is pure heaven.

There needs to be a convertible house built.  You just undo the latches and push a button and all the rottenly hot air from the attic and second floor escapes...and the blissfully cool air from outside fills your home instead.  Oh- and an insect screen slides over the open space...and you can look at the stars while you sleep, if you want!  This is just getting better and better!

Oh.  Or you could have central air.  I guess that's an option too.  I mean, it's a lot more boring than pushing a button and having the roof slide off your house, but...  

Goodnight everyone.  Have a lovely weekend.  :)

Till next time,

Mandy 

Stuck in the house

I'd love to be outside right now.  Really.  The birds are chirping and soft breezes are filling the air.  It's very pleasant out...but my neighbors are outside.  My kind, nice, friendly neighbors...and they always say hello and we always chat but...I just want to be outside by myself.  Typical.  This is what happens when you grow up in the sticks and then live in a town.  There's no privacy. 

Have these people done anything wrong?  Nope.  Not at all- they're really nice.  Delightful, really.  But I'm Mandy, and Mandy doesn't really do the whole neighbor thing very well.  I'd rather just hide in my cozy (read: roasting hot) living room and listen to them all banter about out there. 

So, I'll sit here on the sofa and hope that they go in soon so I can go outside for a bit.  It's really easier this way.  No awkwardness, none of me trying to think of something to say or pretend like I'm bustling about and busy with something- because I'm really not. 

Last night, just before 9:00, I went for a walk through town.  I really like walking, but I'm constantly wondering what people are thinking when they see me.  Because I'm not changing into a whole other outfit just to walk around through town.

When I walk through town with what I've already got on, I assume people think one of two things:

1. I've had a DUI and lost my license and am therefore a big trailer park loser that has to hike around to get anywhere.  (This makes me want to take my keys with me- thrust forth in my fist, shaken at the skies as they proclaim to everyone, yes EVERYONE that this girl does, indeed, have her own car...and is not some hobo.)

2.  I'm ashamed of myself and have to walk in the dark so no one will see me.  (They're not too far off on that one.  lol)  Because, you know.  People are cruel.  I won't ride a bike for the same reason.  Have you seen a gal of my stature perched on a tiny bicycle seat?  It's not a pretty sight.  And I refuse to be the laughing stock of the town because I'm riding around on my bike with my big giant butt perched on this tiny little seat.  Nope.  Ain't gonna happen. 

It's funny- because it's perfectly acceptable for me to do silly or stupid things to embarrass myself- because that's on purpose.  If you're just laughing at me because I'm overweight?   Damn.  That's just heartbreaking. 

Ah, such is the life of a fat girl.  lol 

So, I just decided to take the laptop out back.  Our yard is fenced in, and I appear to be on my own for the moment. 

The church bells are going off for 8:00.  It's funny how I hardly even hear them anymore.  When we first moved here, it was kind of a novelty.  Now it just blends in with the background noise until I'm out here alone. 

The Rose of Sharon is already brimming with buds.  I wish I could tell you how much I love it, but it's like...such a garbage tree.  lol  If you like hours and hours of tedious yard clean up, then this is the plant for you. ;) 

Have you ever sat and studied a tree as it moves?  Each branch sorta dances and sways on its own.  It's almost like each limb is vying for attention...but it doesn't realize that the movement of all the branches together is what makes it so poetic.  Is that too deep for a blog?  I don't know.  I'm just thinking, here. 

There's a rabbit that just sneaked in under the fence.  He's eyeballing me warily, but pretty intent on eating the delicious grass my yard affords him.  Eat up, dude.  Invite some friends.  Mowing the grass was never a favorite past time of mine, anyway.  lol 

I had a great idea for a kid's book today while I was opening mail and processing exams.  It was going to be awesome.  It's rather a shame that I can't remember anything at all about it...other than it was going to be epic. 

There are kids running down the alley whooping and laughing.  I'm not sure what all the excitement is about, but I'm guessing you don't need much of a reason at 10 years old.  Just being out with your friends on a nice night is probably reason enough. 


I'm sorry that these first two posts haven't been very interesting or fun.  You've sorta caught me in an off time.  If you stick around, things will likely improve- I'll have more interesting things to say and probably more exciting topics than just writing about what's happening in Nescopeck.  lol 

Have a lovely night, everyone. 

Also- if you took the time to comment on my blog, or on my facebook page- thank you.  I'm primarily doing this for me, but it's nice to know that some of you are actually reading this. Hopefully I won't be a huge disappointment.  lol

:)  Kudos to you, my friends. 

Till next time,

Mandy

So, I've had blogs in the past, but...

The problem was that I was always trying to do a themed blog- and that's not really me.  It never has been.  I'm good at one thing- being Mandy.  Honestly, it's enough of a struggle to just keep up with myself- let alone trying to portray myself as someone whose actually really good at one particular thing. 

I get bored too easily for that.  I tend to focus all my energy on one or two things at a time.  Then, I'm like done.  That's it, I've had my fill.  (Wish that'd happen with food one of these days...) 

So, at any rate, here we are.  If you're reading this first post, you likely already know me, so you know the basics.  Some people have told me I should blog, and when I used to have my old old blog, I did posts like I'll do here; just random bits and pieces of my life, writing down whatever comes to mind. 

Some posts will be silly.  I'm silly a lot.  Some might be sorta boring.  And some will be rather depressing.  Because that's life, isn't it?  It's a great big jumble of everything.  So I'll do my best to let you wade the waters and see things from my perspective.  You might like some of it, you might hate some of it.  You might disagree with me, and that's okay too. 

Today's not been great.  I don't know how far into that I want to delve, but rest assured, some days I struggle.  It's difficult, you know? 

A month or so ago I weaned myself off the Zoloft I've been taking.  While I'm happy that I'm no longer plagued by the side effects, I miss the nice, even feeling it did give me.  I never took it for depression as much as I did for anxiety, but I'm finding that being anxious all the time allows depression to step forth.  lol  Boo-yah!  And it's not bad all the time; most days I'm pretty good.

I wonder if you've ever dealt with it? 

I wonder how common it actually is.

I realize that everyone perceives it differently.  I have strong (rather irrational) fears of traffic.  Busy highways, new places, anywhere with lots of people...or even some people- I'm instantly uncomfortable.  If I know in advance that I have to go, it makes it all the worse.  Because if you know in advance you have plenty of time to think about it.  Over and over.  That's the loveliness of anxiety- it's the gift that just keeps on giving, and giving, and giving and- well you get the point.

"So stop worrying about stuff.  Think about something else."  That's some actual advice I've received.

Not to be an ass but- that's like the stupidest thing I've ever heard.  If it was that easy, I'd have done it already.  ;) 

 I realize that to you, my fears are irrational and stupid.

But listen- I didn't choose to worry about this crap.  It's just how it is.   I'm dealing with it the best I can. 

In the last year, I've been taking this whole aging thing rather poorly.  I'm worried I'm going to live my life and never have the opportunity to do anything that seems or feels important to me.

It's not like my life is miserable- quite the opposite, actually.  But I do spend most of my time doing the same things...and sometimes a gal wants a little variety.  Sometimes I'd like the chance to do something fun or out of the ordinary. It just feels like I've missed the boat at 36.    

I've been writing a lot lately...  I like it until I read something better, then my heart nearly stops as I realize how grossly inadequate I am as a writer and I feel like utter rubbish until the next day.  A bit up and down, that is.  ;) 

I feel like I should be writing something clever- because who is going to stick around and read this if there isn't anything clever or witty in it? 

I'll likely be more clever and witty in the future.  Today, it's not in the cards, and I hope that's okay.   

Till next time,

Mandy