Honesty

I've been thinking...

That can be bad- or it can be good.  But I want to get this down in writing, because people misunderstand or they misinterpret...

I am critical.  I know my flaws.  (Well, most of them, anyway.) 

So when I post a photo, I already see everything awful about it.  I see the mole on my face, the way my nose looks big, my eyelids are starting to sag, the wrinkles in the corners of my eyes.  I see not just the double chin, but the beginnings of sagging skin.  I see the fine, unruly hair, the red dot above my left eye, the white dot under my left eye.  I see everything because I am me.  I am critical and I am me.  And, because I don't think you're stupid, I assume you see those things too.

So, here's the deal.  It's hard, when you look at yourself the way I do, to post a photo.  I was never super attractive to begin with.  I know that.  I'm not stupid and I'm not blind, and no, thanks very much, I'm not just being hard on myself.  I'm looking at myself the same way I'd look at anyone else.  I know what beauty looks like, and it ain't me. 

This isn't a rant to tell you all how ugly I am.  It's me trying really really hard to explain why I say the things I do.

It's because people are mean.  People are assholes.  I'm one of those people.  I'm judgemental.  I know when someone's not looking great.  I'm not going to say anything, but I can see.  So, if I jump the gun and call myself out on looking utterly pathetic, that's a +1 for me, right? 

That's how I see it, anyway.  At least I've got the sense and the logic to just go right out there and say, "Look, I know I'm not the best looking person on earth, but hey.  This is what you're getting.  Deal with it." 

So...that's why I am the way I am.  Sorry.  But not really. 


This post sounds bitter.  lol  I'm not really bitter.  I just can't explain things easily to people.  They don't understand.  I'm trying to help.  I don't know if it helped or not, but it made me feel a little better. 

Moral of the story- it's best to not try and compliment me.  Okay? 

Great! 

Let's move on!