I'd love to be outside right now. Really. The birds are chirping and soft breezes are filling the air. It's very pleasant out...but my neighbors are outside. My kind, nice, friendly neighbors...and they always say hello and we always chat but...I just want to be outside by myself. Typical. This is what happens when you grow up in the sticks and then live in a town. There's no privacy.
Have these people done anything wrong? Nope. Not at all- they're really nice. Delightful, really. But I'm Mandy, and Mandy doesn't really do the whole neighbor thing very well. I'd rather just hide in my cozy (read: roasting hot) living room and listen to them all banter about out there.
So, I'll sit here on the sofa and hope that they go in soon so I can go outside for a bit. It's really easier this way. No awkwardness, none of me trying to think of something to say or pretend like I'm bustling about and busy with something- because I'm really not.
Last night, just before 9:00, I went for a walk through town. I really like walking, but I'm constantly wondering what people are thinking when they see me. Because I'm not changing into a whole other outfit just to walk around through town.
When I walk through town with what I've already got on, I assume people think one of two things:
1. I've had a DUI and lost my license and am therefore a big trailer park loser that has to hike around to get anywhere. (This makes me want to take my keys with me- thrust forth in my fist, shaken at the skies as they proclaim to everyone, yes EVERYONE that this girl does, indeed, have her own car...and is not some hobo.)
2. I'm ashamed of myself and have to walk in the dark so no one will see me. (They're not too far off on that one. lol) Because, you know. People are cruel. I won't ride a bike for the same reason. Have you seen a gal of my stature perched on a tiny bicycle seat? It's not a pretty sight. And I refuse to be the laughing stock of the town because I'm riding around on my bike with my big giant butt perched on this tiny little seat. Nope. Ain't gonna happen.
It's funny- because it's perfectly acceptable for me to do silly or stupid things to embarrass myself- because that's on purpose. If you're just laughing at me because I'm overweight? Damn. That's just heartbreaking.
Ah, such is the life of a fat girl. lol
So, I just decided to take the laptop out back. Our yard is fenced in, and I appear to be on my own for the moment.
The church bells are going off for 8:00. It's funny how I hardly even hear them anymore. When we first moved here, it was kind of a novelty. Now it just blends in with the background noise until I'm out here alone.
The Rose of Sharon is already brimming with buds. I wish I could tell you how much I love it, but it's like...such a garbage tree. lol If you like hours and hours of tedious yard clean up, then this is the plant for you. ;)
Have you ever sat and studied a tree as it moves? Each branch sorta dances and sways on its own. It's almost like each limb is vying for attention...but it doesn't realize that the movement of all the branches together is what makes it so poetic. Is that too deep for a blog? I don't know. I'm just thinking, here.
There's a rabbit that just sneaked in under the fence. He's eyeballing me warily, but pretty intent on eating the delicious grass my yard affords him. Eat up, dude. Invite some friends. Mowing the grass was never a favorite past time of mine, anyway. lol
I had a great idea for a kid's book today while I was opening mail and processing exams. It was going to be awesome. It's rather a shame that I can't remember anything at all about it...other than it was going to be epic.
There are kids running down the alley whooping and laughing. I'm not sure what all the excitement is about, but I'm guessing you don't need much of a reason at 10 years old. Just being out with your friends on a nice night is probably reason enough.
I'm sorry that these first two posts haven't been very interesting or fun. You've sorta caught me in an off time. If you stick around, things will likely improve- I'll have more interesting things to say and probably more exciting topics than just writing about what's happening in Nescopeck. lol
Have a lovely night, everyone.
Also- if you took the time to comment on my blog, or on my facebook page- thank you. I'm primarily doing this for me, but it's nice to know that some of you are actually reading this. Hopefully I won't be a huge disappointment. lol
:) Kudos to you, my friends.
Till next time,
Mandy
Amanda, thanks for letting us sit out on the porch with you for awhile! I'm the same way about neighbors - they're sweet people, but sometimes a six foot fence between would be nice! Your home town sounds so nice!
ReplyDeleteGirl, you squash your booty on that tiny seat if you want to! As a fat girl, I know that's easier said than done. But what people think of you is none of your business anyhow! You walking around town and getting some exercise is nothing to be ashamed of. Again, I know it's easier to read those words than it is to take them to heart, but I spent so much time caring what people thought and now, living in a city where hundreds of people have the opportunity to look at me daily, I realize that no one cares. They really don't! And if they do it's because they're insecure and there's nothing you can do about that. You only get one life! Live it exactly as you please (save for, you know, hurting people or destroying public property...that sort of thing).
ReplyDeleteAlso, I love your blog and you ARE interesting and fun! Thanks for sharing!