Happy Halloween!

Hey everyone,

I hope you all had an enjoyable Halloween!  It's always fun seeing the kiddos dressed up and let's face it, sometimes it's fun to dress up as an adult, too.  The only think I'm sad about this Halloween is that I didn't hear "The Monster Mash" on the radio.  I mean, come on!  It's a classic!

Not much else has transpired this week.  I dressed up at Rose Tyler for our work Halloween Party and I had a fantastic time doing so, even though only 2 people knew who I was without me having to first tell them, and then explaining who Rose was.  lol  Perfectly okay- I know not everyone watches Doctor Who.  :)

This is a photo from one of the trial runs.  I know I don't look anything like Billie Piper, who played Rose, but I did want to attempt to get as close to the look regarding makeup/hair as I could.  I've got bangs and those don't just grow out in a few weeks, no matter how much I would have liked them too, so...not much I can do about that.  We don't really have similar facial features, her eyes are brown, mine are blue, face shape, not to mention the fact that she's a slim gal and I'm...well, I'm not.  That being said, here's my attempt:

I did a much better job with the hair on the actual day- I actually got it kind of like pieced yet slightly curled like she had on the show.  I was pretty happy about that. 

Anyway...


I've been doing some writing on my story lately- sometimes the words come easily and sometimes I struggle to write a few sentences.  Literally.  One night I sat here and edited and re-read what I had and I advanced the story by a whole three sentences just because I didn't know how/where I wanted the story to go.  I have roughly 110 pages down right now, and for me, that's a big high five and slap on the back.  With the whole ADD thing, it's pretty hard for me to be able to focus on something like this for as long as I have, and as I mentioned before, I'm not exactly a prolific writer.  I've been working on this story for months now, and it'll likely be another couple months before it's finished. 

I have a general idea of where I want things to end up, and specific points I'd like to hit along the way, but the rest is just...making it up as I go along.  I'm not sure if that's how actual writers do it, or not, but hey.  I'm doing this for fun, not for anything else.  If it's wrong, too bad.  :P 

Do you ever wonder how you view the world in comparison to how others view it?  I'm always curious about what other people think...about how they process information, and about how they come to form their opinions and draw their own conclusions. 

I'm just nosy, maybe.  Who knows?  :) 

Honesty

I've been thinking...

That can be bad- or it can be good.  But I want to get this down in writing, because people misunderstand or they misinterpret...

I am critical.  I know my flaws.  (Well, most of them, anyway.) 

So when I post a photo, I already see everything awful about it.  I see the mole on my face, the way my nose looks big, my eyelids are starting to sag, the wrinkles in the corners of my eyes.  I see not just the double chin, but the beginnings of sagging skin.  I see the fine, unruly hair, the red dot above my left eye, the white dot under my left eye.  I see everything because I am me.  I am critical and I am me.  And, because I don't think you're stupid, I assume you see those things too.

So, here's the deal.  It's hard, when you look at yourself the way I do, to post a photo.  I was never super attractive to begin with.  I know that.  I'm not stupid and I'm not blind, and no, thanks very much, I'm not just being hard on myself.  I'm looking at myself the same way I'd look at anyone else.  I know what beauty looks like, and it ain't me. 

This isn't a rant to tell you all how ugly I am.  It's me trying really really hard to explain why I say the things I do.

It's because people are mean.  People are assholes.  I'm one of those people.  I'm judgemental.  I know when someone's not looking great.  I'm not going to say anything, but I can see.  So, if I jump the gun and call myself out on looking utterly pathetic, that's a +1 for me, right? 

That's how I see it, anyway.  At least I've got the sense and the logic to just go right out there and say, "Look, I know I'm not the best looking person on earth, but hey.  This is what you're getting.  Deal with it." 

So...that's why I am the way I am.  Sorry.  But not really. 


This post sounds bitter.  lol  I'm not really bitter.  I just can't explain things easily to people.  They don't understand.  I'm trying to help.  I don't know if it helped or not, but it made me feel a little better. 

Moral of the story- it's best to not try and compliment me.  Okay? 

Great! 

Let's move on!